Hanging by a Moment ... Letting GO

“It’s better to come from a broken home than to live in one!” I’m in total agreement that sometimes the absolute worst thing you could do to your children, and, or, yourself is remain in a dysfunctional relationship. Although I believe that many people rush to the court steps in an emotional haste to divorce, there are also those who pick up every stone along the way to weigh its value with a slow realization of the choice to be made. Our daughter, Brei, is one of those people. I had wondered to myself before her wedding if her proposal might have been an overlooked omen of things to come. She got lost on a Mountain that night during a scavenger hunt that was supposed to end in a romantic proposal; her ex miscalculating the time needed to solve his cleaver riddles. Imagine our reaction to a search party being called to find and rescue her?! Years later the search party was called again but lacked the dramatics of helicopters, flashlights and ropes. It was a simple phone call from out of the blue. “Mom, I can’t take this anymore!” She asked if we would come to support her when she told him. We did.

Brie’s dad and I have been searching for her for years. Not because she was ever estranged from our family but more that she got lost in a life that no longer supported her worth which over time caused that sweet spark of hers to dim. There are many things that are harder for a parent to endure than a child losing the essence of who he or she was meant to be, but, losing Brie’s spirit in our family had felt like an amputation in many ways. The day we pulled up to her farmhouse in Texas there was visible evidence of her inner struggle. Her exhaustion peeked at us behind her beautiful hazel eyes and revealed to us that her decision was a greater relief than we expected. She told me recently that she believed God placed her in her Texas country home in preparation for that last chapter. Brei said when she thinks on those times she finds much peace attached. I'm inclined to feel that it was that place that gave the richest environment for laying out her thoughts and being able to look at them with an honest assessment of her future. 

Wayne and I anticipated that it would take at least a year for her to settle her divorce and move to Florida, but, like the scavenger hunt, life is quite unpredictable. Instead of 12 months we had a few weeks. With little time to modify our home and figure out how to utilize the space available for 5 children, their mom and a three legged dog, we reorganized as best as we could. The decision to convert our downstairs office into Eden’s bedroom was a good call; separating the moodiness of a 14 year old girl from the shenanigans of her younger siblings has allowed me to keep most of my hair; and her to keep her life -- as of this writing. It has also been a season of re-modifying our life plan. There are issues that come with this life adjustment but all involved are getting the help and the tools that they need to heal and move onward. Wayne and I are no longer resigned to worrying from hundreds of miles away about their well being. We only have to listen to the chaos that ensues when they all try to get ready for school in the hall bathroom that's right next to our bedroom door---I would like to meet the diabolical genius behind that design flaw. On second thought, that’s probably not a good idea.

Brei is coming full circle. She has always been my hippie artist and food guru. She often threatens to ferment me when I die telling me it’s better for the environment. I laugh, nervously, as I think if it were legal she might attempt it. I also can’t clean out my refrigerator without her permission because some of the things growing in there, much to my surprise, are supposed to look like that. Yesterday when I came home, she excitedly exclaimed, “I found a guy with good aged manure!!!!” I shot back, “How can you tell its good manure”? She replied, “OH mom, when you dig your hands in it it’s like the best feeling soil you can imagine and it smells amazing!” The image of her great grandfather, who was a farmer, high five-ing her great grandmother streaked across my mind. We have all agreed that she will be a stay home mom for now so that she can have the time needed to de-clutter her emotional closet as well as assist her children in doing the same. She’s going to the gym, making time for self-care and takes the kids to church every Sunday creating new routines. I've noticed a renewed youthfulness and her sassy sense of humor has returned from a long time in hiding. She’s also back to painting and other artwork. This has earned her some extra money and given her a feeling of accomplishment.

This is our eighth month and we have faced some significant hurdles along the way. like the unmasked horror the day Anna and Autumn came running to me after their mom said they could not watch another cartoon. "But you're our mom's mom--SHE HAS TO MIND YOU!" Each collapsing in complete shock when I had to say no. I make light of it knowing that it's self evident that this has been a great change in our family dynamics Yes. There are issues. Some have been bigger than I ever imagined and some have been smaller but I know the value in creating a structured loving environment where they will all have the best opportunity to thrive.

We have a great family and some truly amazing friends that have made their support known in so many ways. Each leaving us with a warm gratefulness to know that so many of you care.  

Mona McPherson